Monday, February 20, 2012

Tears


     I saw a pregnant woman and came home and cried for hours; I feel cheated. No one’s at fault, but I’m still angry. Disease took what I thought would one day carry my child. I’m incomplete, empty. I’ll never feel my child growing in me. I’ll never feel a little foot kicking or a little elbow reminding me that I’ll soon hold my own little angel in my arms. I'll never grow big with my baby. I'll never sit for hours and rub my belly and talk to my baby. All I can do is smile at each pregnant woman I see, or hold each little niece or nephew that’s placed in my arms.
     I've raised my nephew as my own. I love him so much and I tell him every chance I have. I know God's blessed me with him. I've loved all my nephews and nieces as my own. I've cherished and protected. I've smiled and laughed and then I’ve come home and my tears have soaked my pillow until it feels like my heart will break. I’m 50 years old now; why doesn't it stop hurting? Why haven't the tears stopped? It hurts, it hurts, Father, it hurts…

10 comments:

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    1. Thank you Asim. Thank you for the visit and the comment. Be blessed.

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  2. It ok...when you have those tiny ones love you back. And sometimes It pains as reflected in these wonderful words of yours.

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    1. Rek, thank you so much for your comment and visit. I guess I'm always going to have good days with lots of laughter, smiling and hugging and then there will be days when I'll cry and feel sorry for myself because of the cancer that took away my chance to give birth.
      I have to remember how lucky I am that I didn't have to give birth to feel like a mother. Be blessed.

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  3. Very touching short story... Motherhood is the greatest status of a woman and lacking it is very painful indeed. Well written Madam..:)

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    1. Thank you for your visit and the comment Bijaylaxmi. Motherhood is something, that many women look forward to, but painfully and unfortunately not all of us are blessed with the this gift. Be blessed.

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    1. Thanks for your visit and the comment Short poems. Be blessed!

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  5. Elizena, this is so sad. Please continue to be a blessing and a joy to others despite this.

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  6. Very touching story of yours. I understand how you feel...sometimes counting your blessings eases the hurts and pains. I am sure, God has something bigger and better for you...God bless you!

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