Tears

     I saw a pregnant woman and came home and cried for hours; I feel cheated. No one’s at fault, but I’m still angry. Disease took what I thought would one day carry my child. I’m incomplete, empty. I’ll never feel my child growing in me. I’ll never feel a little foot kicking or a little elbow reminding me that I’ll soon hold my own little angel in my arms. I'll never grow big with my baby. I'll never sit for hours and rub my belly and talk to my baby. All I can do is smile at each pregnant woman I see, or hold each little niece or nephew that’s placed in my arms.

     I've raised my nephew as my own. I love him so much and I tell him every chance I have. I know God's blessed me with him. I've loved all my nephews and nieces as my own. I've cherished and protected. I've smiled and laughed and then I’ve come home and my tears have soaked my pillow until it feels like my heart will break. I’m 50 years old now; why doesn't it stop hurting? Why haven't the tears stopped? It hurts, it hurts, Father, it hurts…