I never used to just live each day as it came. I worried the day before, the day of and the day after. I mean I was a total wreak! I always worried that maybe I'd lived today in such a way that I would be a disappointment to family, friends and God. It didn't matter what I did, I just knew that I would never be able to measure up to anyone. I used to spend days in total depression and wondering what I could do to have people care about me and love me. The funny thing is that I didn't much care for myself or for others. I was a very bitter person and looking back now I realize just how sad that was. That was the before Christ me.
I will admit that even after I accepted Christ, it took awhile for me to accept that there could be someone out there who would and could love me for me. Because I came from a Christian home there were many who were always ready to point out that I was a disappointment and that I'd never be able to be the kind of daughter my parents would be proud of. I must admit that kind of helped to keep me at odds with my poor parents.
Over time God took me through the shaping and firing process. It was so painful that sometimes I didn't think I'd be able to endure it, but Christ was my comfort. One day I woke up and I was just happy. I didn't understand it, I just knew that the holes in my heart and my spirit were no longer there. They were filled with joy, a joy unspeakable and I actually loved myself. Now I get up everyday and live it to the best of my abilities. It may not be perfect, but it's good. There's a song entitled. "I Know Who Holds Tomorrow," and I finally, finally understand it. I don't know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day and I really don't worry over the future, because I know that it's all in God's hands. I'll just take each day as it comes and I'll live it for God. I'll leave it all in His hands because I know I'll never be able to improve on what God does. So once again, I'll just let go and let God.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they are?"Matthew 6:25-26
I Know Who Holds Tomorrow
I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.
I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.